Life, Love, Oakland

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Trends this Spring: Makeup

In case you haven't gotten the newsflash, this season's hot new makeup look is bold, colorful eyes in 1980's shades like emerald green, baby blue and tangerine. Drag Queen style. Love ya girls, but I think I'm gonna let you all keep rockin the look. I'm sticking to my soft pinks and browns and will continue to let the girls and queens that can pull this off rule it. forever.
Oh, where is Kelly LeBrock when you need her?? I'm feelin Weird Science right about now.

Images from Sephora.

Not promotional ads from Sephora... or are they?

Cheers Howeaves!!

Breakout your Botox and your poundcake makeup. Tonight is the Season 2 finale of The Real Housewives of Orange County (RHOC), followed by next week’s “reunion” show.

Will Lauri marry the man of her dreams?
Will Jo get a record deal?
Will Jeana dump her husband?
Will Tammy find Mr. Right?
Will Vicki stop sticking her foot in her mouth?

This may be the last we see of these very bad girls…there’s been no word on whether or not the show has or will be renewed, and with all of the legal troubles occurring for many of the housewives and their families off camera, it’s unlikely that there will be a Season 3. I will miss the snarkfest.

Cheers Howeaves, it’s been an entertaining season.

Image Source

Labels: Bad Girl Alert, Dumbass Alert

Rest in Peace

Today marks the death of a woman born in Houston, Texas named Vickie Lynn Hogan, otherwise known as Anna Nicole Smith.

The guys I went to school with lusted after her, the girls wanted to look like her in their Guess jeans. Anna Nicole, a girl who had looks to kill for and a child-like disposition... she had money, fame and beauty, yet with all of these resources she remained a child forever lost. Tragedy was an overwhelming component in her life and it finally stole that from her as well. She leaves behind her infant daughter, who will grow up without her mother or brother, as a cash prize to be fought over (I'm talking to you, Stern and Birkhead).

Are there lessons to be learned? Certainly. Be careful what you wish for. Always surround yourself with the support of people who genuinely love and care for you. And there's no shame in seeking help. Rest in Peace Vickie Lynn Hogan.

You Bad, Bad Boy

With the overabundance of single women in the city of San Francisco, why oh why, did you have to choose a married woman with a serious addiction problem to have a meaningless dalliance with?? It would have been cheaper to just get a hooker, because this incident is going to rob you of so much more. Hell, I could have introduced you to some hotties that don't charge and are not married. I cringe at the leverage this gives the opposition. One of the few politicians fighting for my friends' rights to marry has given the conservative folks more ammunition to fire accusations of an unacceptable lack of morals, and a lack of respect for the institution of marriage, and in this instance, shamefully, they are right.
Newsom seeks help for addiction as resignation is demanded.
San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom

Labels: Dumbass Alert

Belated Bachelor Rome Recap and Bachelor Hawaii

Sorry for the delay in posting my response to the Finale. I just figured I would post once Prince Lorenzo Borghese and Jen Wilson had called the charade quits. There wasn't much of a peep from these two, until recently: the National Enquirer circulated a story that Jen was hooking up with a male co-worker of reasonable attractiveness at the beach.
No big deal.
But MSNBC also ran the story.

I also came across this story from Page 6 calling out P.Lo for prowling.

In the meantime, for public record, the couple states that they are attempting a long-distance relationship with Jen finishing her school term in May, and Lorenzo remaining in New York. According to Jen, in May, they will determine what their next step will be. So, are they really trying to make it work or has the relationship already gone kaput? P.Lo's a low-key-kinda guy so it might be awhile until anyone knows for sure.

The Bachelor Season 10 Hawaii

They've already announced the Bachelor for the next season (the 10th season), which is currently filming in Hawaii. It's pretty-boy U.S. Navy doctor, Lt. Andy Baldwin, pictured below. No comment. Okay, maybe one for now. Veneers are like boob jobs. You gotta have someone put them in right. If they're put in funky or they are too big, you come out looking foolish and of course, obvious. Obviously foolish. And even worse, you remind me of Matt Dillon's slimy character from There Something about Mary. Nice chompers. Just a thought when getting them. That is all for now. I will reserve serious judgment for a more appropriate point in time.

Source and more info can be found in this article from the local Honolulu paper, Star Bulletin. And he already has a fan website up: www.andybaldwin.net. Ugh.

Labels: The Bachelor

Top U.S. Biotch of a man Chef strikes again

Sam Talbot of Top Chef and Paris Hilton schmoozing.

Phoney Betty is gone. Bye-bye, Betty. I can't remember any other chef that has done so consistently terrible in the quickfire challenges.

Ilan better be careful. he's starting to pick up some bad habits from Sam.

Labels: Top Chef

Rock-Throwing Recap this Month

A lot of bad girls in the news these days.

Tie Her to the Stake
Apparently, you're not allowed to let your children visit with Grandma for a week so you can go out and blow off some steam. I don't have kids, but I guess this behavior is unacceptable. Who knew?? Single dads can go barhoping and clubbing, single moms... can't. I guess this is reason enough to continue to put the responsbility of birth control solely on the female segment of the population. Some things will never change...

Party on, Britney. You deserve to have a little fun.

Dangnabit. Where are My Stones?
So Miss USA Tara Conner was granted a reprieve for her bad girl behavior. Tara allegedly committed illegal acts; including the consumption of alcohol while not of legal age, and use of illegal drugs. Tara broke the law but was forgiven. Wrongfully humiliated, but forgiven. Professional athletes will always be forgiven too... just without the complete humiliation part. Unless of course, they are with the WNBA or Women's Soccer League, then yes, humiliation will be included in the forgiveness package.

Miss Nevada, Katie Rees, wasn't so lucky. Several photos of her exposed breast at a private party popped up on the internet because an escort service began to use the photos as advertisements without permission. Katie was immediately stripped of her crown. So what law did she break?? Oh I'm sorry... she broke the moral laws of this glass house-living country. Ye shall commit illegal acts to thine heart's desire but ye shall not expose a breast, lest you are struck down by lighting. They decided not to give her back the crown. There should now be a lawsuit on their hands. And rightfully so.

It's all a big joke. The people of the USA do not vote for Miss USA. It's a privately-owned company and for people to take personal offense to any of these girls' behaviors as a bad representation of them just isn't logical. It's just like Hawaiian Tropics, which has a pageant/contest every year the winner is called Miss Hawaiian Tropics. Do people who use Hawaiian Tropics products get offended if Miss HT kisses too many boys? The names "Miss USA" and "Miss Universe" should be changed to like Miss Trump and Miss Trump Universe. As it stands now, it could be considered a serious misrepresentation. I'm sure there are aliens out there very pissed off they don't have a contestant in the Miss Universe Pageant. Why don't they let people call in and vote for the winner, like American Idol. Even that show is fixed, but people still like believing that they have a hand in the decision.

In the meantime, let the girls do their thing. Or bolt them to the kitchen floor barefoot, next to the stove.

More Glass House Scandal Source: CNN.com

Vanessa L. Williams -- Miss America 1983 -- Crowned as the first African-American woman to hold the title Miss America, Vanessa L. Williams resigned on July 23, 1984, after it was revealed that she had posed nude for private photos that appeared without her permission in Penthouse magazine.

Leona Gage -- Miss USA 1957 -- Leona Gage, representing the state of Maryland, won the title of Miss USA. Shortly after, she was stripped of her crown when it was revealed that she was married and the mother of two children.

Marjorie Wallace -- Miss World 1973 -- Marjorie Wallace was the first woman from the United States to win the title of Miss World, but she was stripped of her crown after criticism for dating too many men.

You Break my Glass House, I'm Gonna Break Yours
Speaking of Donald Trump, his boring ass' all up in the news. His ongoing war of words with Rosie O'Donnell is just pathethic. Do either of these morons think we really care? Like we have nothing more important to care about. If there are any two people more out of touch with reality than these two, I can't imagine. All of this Trump news hitting us like vomit is very suspicious. It wouldn't have anything to do with his Apprentice show broadcasting soon, does it? Didn't last year's show have the lowest ratings it's ever had? Hmmmm….

Labels: Bad Girl Alert

Top Chef Recap Nov 12

Damn Bravo Top Chef. The Ogre Mumbler won the elimination challenge this week. Betcha he didn't share his prize, those knives, even after his hesitant-performing role as team leader.

My final top three would be Ilan, Elia and Cliff. Screw Sam. Cliff may have thrown Mia under the bus this week, but at least he had the juevos to do it in front of her face, unlike Sammy boy who acts cool in front of everyone then talks shiot behind their backs. Just like a biotch.

Besides, Mia was just mediocre, a mere slice above Marisa, the pastry chef who couldn't even do one single dessert that kicked ass instead of sucked it.

Betty: "I always serve with a smile!"

Labels: Top Chef

Top U.S. biotch of a man, I mean Chef

Note biotch headband, bluffing as a zen prettyboy
Note pretentious, long, sliver sideburns, another failed attempt at edgy prettyboyism
Note greasy hair tipping you off that he's still a rat
Note beady eyes, the better to watch you with, as he throws you under a bus
Note caveman, ogre-like smugness

Yes, I despise this top chef for several reasons:

In Week 2, he was quick to mention that he was voted one of New York's "hottest" chefs. Don't believe the hype chefy. You're only decent-looking from far, far away. And upclose? F'ugly. Beady eyes, greasy hair, and all.

He announced that his strategy was to flirt with all of the "moms" during the ice cream challenge, cause even if his ice cream tastes like crap, he still thinks he's got it like that.

The lil' biotch will throw you under the bus faster than you can blink. Especially when he's in the bottom 3, his targets tends to fall on women like Betty (he verbalized a 2-3 minute complaint to the judges in the "11th hour" about extra use of olive oil refusing to name any names [then why complain, numnuts?] which initiated the complaint about Betty's use of extra spoonfuls of sugar), and he also mentioned to the judges Elia's use of "frozen waffles" after her win. Funny. Waffles frozen or not, had nothing to do with why his suckass was in the bottom 3.

I was hoping Sam was going to be sent home last week, but to no avail. I can only marinate and stew until he is sent packing, which probably won't be until the finale. Bravo has a new episode of Top Chef tomorrow at 10.

Labels: Dumbass Alert, Top Chef