The Bachelor Rome - Episode 3

Screencaps courtsey of Dreamer. Find more screencaps from Dreamer here.

Welcome to another evening of The Bachelor, starring Prince Lorenzo Borghese (P.Lo, P.Bo. and/or LoBo). Tonight is Episode 3. I didn't recap Episode 2, but I can do it quickly and in one sentence: Once again The Bachelor wusses out and drops another headstrong girl, Sarah, who knows how to throw a football, and the likeable girl-next door Ellen, keeping self-entitlement queen Erica and dumb blonde ditzy porno wannabe, Desiree.

Tonight we learn that the 9 girls remaining are still not swayed by whatever lack of chemistry they have with P.Lo. They each still want to live the dream of becoming a princess. Eye on the prize, "ladies." At the start it is announced that there will be a one-on-one date with the P.Lo, a two-on-one date, and a group date for the remaining 6 girls. So guess who is determining the winner of the one-on-one date? Rina Infantino, "one of the foremost opera teachers in Italy." Hmm, O-kay. I suppose her talent in opera singing equals superior matchmaking skills beyond belief. Perhaps she can match you in the 49 dimension of compatibility™ eHarmony style. Or maybe she just has a CD that she needs to peddle.The girls must learn an Italian aria and perform it in front of the eHarmony lady and the rest of the Bachelorettes. They were all awful, but it made for great tv. The girls just keep showing their absolute lack of talent. Jami wins because she make Ms. eHarmony wince less than the other girls do. She gets the one-on-one date with P.Lo. She dresses to go to the Opera.

Interruption for a Young American Chick (YAC) Language lesson.

Super-stoked. Pronounciation: sớoper-stōkted (adjective)
Definition: extremeley exhilarated: in an excited or euphoric state, especially from having taken drugs. Synonyms: eager, energetic, happy, and unprepared to get heart ripped out and die of embarassment on national tv.

After making Jami sing her "winning" aria, he fakes a smile, claps and tells her she sang the best opera he's ever heard. Did your nose just grow P.Lo ? I can't tell. He dances with her and then tells her that he is not attracted to her and says he cannot give her a rose. I sense she's too head-strong and girl-next-door for him anyway. No rose = leave the show. Poor girl bawls all the way home.

Obviously P.Lo. like the spoiled girly-girls. By spoiled, I mean rotten. He's not letting any interesting chicks hang around for long. But that's okay. More snarking for me. If he wants to keep the giggly ta-hee-hee-hee-I'm-a-fairy-princess girls around, so be it.

Like this chick Jeanette who looks like a cross between Brittney Spears and Jessica Simpson. I don't like this broad. Which means she'll probably stick around for another few rounds.

Entitlement queen Erica smuggly says she knew P.Lo and Jami would not make a good match. As she is speaking I am staring at my tv wondering if something is wrong with the color, or if her hair has turned the appalling shade of chlorine yellow-green. Bahahahaha. The Princess and the Pea Soup Hair. Princess Pea and Agnese (the native Italian girl) are scheduled to go on the 2-on-1 date with the Prince. Hmm. They didn't win that situation... seems fishy. I smell a setup.

But first, P.Lo takes the other girls on a wine-tasting group date. The usual for-tv shinnanigans occur. Swiming pool foreplay and body shots care of P.Lo's belly button.

Next Princess Pea and Agnese have the 2-on-1 date. No fancy date for Princess Pea. The three throw on P.Lo's comfy clothes and eat pizza in his bed. Princess Pea sticks her foot in her mouth by calling the other girls "commoners." In an attempt to please P.Lo, she tells him that she is there for him because she can come to Rome any time she wants to, but for the other girls, this trip to Rome is such a novelty. O-kay. I see why the producers let her stick around for another episode. Total setup. And this time, the viewers don't feel bad when she gets drop-kicked. P.Lo gives the rose to Agnese and Princess Pea has a complete breakdown. P.Lo has to physically push her down the stairs, I mean escort her down to the door. Did you catch her self-pity rant? Priceless. Okay, now I'm rooting for Agnese, the Italian girl because #1 they look cute kissing with the fireworks and it don't make me sick to my stomach, and #2, those valley-high-talking U.S. biotches are getting on my nerves.

P.S. Yes! Smooshie Face is gone!! Buh-bye Gina.

Next week Princes Pea is back...