Happy Halloween!!

A night when even the good girls can play bad. Because Halloween is the night that "not you" is you... but not you. Ya know?

Don't stay home. Go out and Par-tay. I don't care if you already "celebrated" Halloween this weekend. That didn't count. Who knows? You may find the pleasure of being a bad girl fulfilling enough to carry a small part of it into your everyday life.

You're a lucky guy if you meet a bad girl or boy tonight. Almost as good: if you meet a good girl or boy playing bad for a couple of hours.

Project Runway S3Ep14

Finale Part 2

I can't hate you anymore Jeffrey. Even if the producers manipulatively tugged as hard
as possible on my heartstrings to release the disdain. Even if you were the best designer on paper for the win. Even if honestly, I would wear less of your collection than from any of the others. Even if your past issues remind me of someone I once knew and loved.

There's an Irish proverb that says "A man who holds good cards would never say if
they were dealt wrong."

Some people still believe that Jeffrey may have outsourced some of the work for his final collection or that he should have been auff'ed for his work during a couple of the challenges. But at Bryant Park, he turned out the only collection that was fashion-forward.

My favorite actual wearable piece from Jeffrey's collection:

Uli's line was easily the most wearable and for that she deserves a lot of respect from women, especially from those of us who like to wear pieces for more than one season. But it wasn't really fashion-forward. It's all been done before, but we all know she'll be very successful.

My Irish proverb for Uli is "Spread your cloth only as you can draw it."

Miss Uli, you design for zee hot veather and you do it very vell.

My favorite actual wearable piece from Uli's collection:


Michael and Laura both had age issues with their collections. Neither could easily transcend particular age groups.

Laura's collection may not appeal much to the under 30 crowd. While I thought the collection was absolutely gorgeous, I prefer to wear younger styles myself. If she had just mixed it up a little bit more... the finishing was so exact. It could have been more playful with different, less-structured cuts, and she could have taken the win. I also wondered if her accusations against Jeffrey hurt her chances more than the fact that Jeffrey had originally gone over budget.

My Irish proverb for Laura is "An old broom knows the dirty corners best." Just kidding. Really it's "If you meet a red-haired woman, you'll meet a crowd" (crowd = big family). Because really, there's nothing I can say; she'll be very successful in her niche and make tons and tons of money no matter what.

My favorite actual wearable piece from Laura's collection:


I don't believe Michael's collection would sell well to the 40+ crowd (though there's always exceptions) and typically, the 40+ crowd collectively has the larger $$$ to sell to.

My Irish proverb for Michael is "Patience is a plaster for all wounds."
The criticism he received from the judges was heart-wrenching, but he'll do well in his niche and I know he'll expand as he matures.

My favorite actual wearable piece from Michael's collection:

I still can't believe it's over.
I still can't believe the producers and editors actually knocked the snark out of me.

I hope all of the designers have much success, whether it's selling in their respective niches or becoming mass-global selling powerhouses ("Sebelia" kind of sounds like "Starbucks" to me. I dunno, I guess it's got that global takeover "ring" to it).

And I've got two final Irish proverbs for Jeffrey:
"Be kind to those that meet you as you rise. You may pass them again as you fall."

And more seriously:

"A narrow neck keeps the bottle from being emptied in one swig."

Ha.

The Bachelor Rome - Episode 3

Screencaps courtsey of Dreamer. Find more screencaps from Dreamer here.

Welcome to another evening of The Bachelor, starring Prince Lorenzo Borghese (P.Lo, P.Bo. and/or LoBo). Tonight is Episode 3. I didn't recap Episode 2, but I can do it quickly and in one sentence: Once again The Bachelor wusses out and drops another headstrong girl, Sarah, who knows how to throw a football, and the likeable girl-next door Ellen, keeping self-entitlement queen Erica and dumb blonde ditzy porno wannabe, Desiree.

Tonight we learn that the 9 girls remaining are still not swayed by whatever lack of chemistry they have with P.Lo. They each still want to live the dream of becoming a princess. Eye on the prize, "ladies." At the start it is announced that there will be a one-on-one date with the P.Lo, a two-on-one date, and a group date for the remaining 6 girls. So guess who is determining the winner of the one-on-one date? Rina Infantino, "one of the foremost opera teachers in Italy." Hmm, O-kay. I suppose her talent in opera singing equals superior matchmaking skills beyond belief. Perhaps she can match you in the 49 dimension of compatibility™ eHarmony style. Or maybe she just has a CD that she needs to peddle.The girls must learn an Italian aria and perform it in front of the eHarmony lady and the rest of the Bachelorettes. They were all awful, but it made for great tv. The girls just keep showing their absolute lack of talent. Jami wins because she make Ms. eHarmony wince less than the other girls do. She gets the one-on-one date with P.Lo. She dresses to go to the Opera.

Interruption for a Young American Chick (YAC) Language lesson.

Super-stoked. Pronounciation: sớoper-stōkted (adjective)
Definition: extremeley exhilarated: in an excited or euphoric state, especially from having taken drugs. Synonyms: eager, energetic, happy, and unprepared to get heart ripped out and die of embarassment on national tv.

After making Jami sing her "winning" aria, he fakes a smile, claps and tells her she sang the best opera he's ever heard. Did your nose just grow P.Lo ? I can't tell. He dances with her and then tells her that he is not attracted to her and says he cannot give her a rose. I sense she's too head-strong and girl-next-door for him anyway. No rose = leave the show. Poor girl bawls all the way home.

Obviously P.Lo. like the spoiled girly-girls. By spoiled, I mean rotten. He's not letting any interesting chicks hang around for long. But that's okay. More snarking for me. If he wants to keep the giggly ta-hee-hee-hee-I'm-a-fairy-princess girls around, so be it.

Like this chick Jeanette who looks like a cross between Brittney Spears and Jessica Simpson. I don't like this broad. Which means she'll probably stick around for another few rounds.

Entitlement queen Erica smuggly says she knew P.Lo and Jami would not make a good match. As she is speaking I am staring at my tv wondering if something is wrong with the color, or if her hair has turned the appalling shade of chlorine yellow-green. Bahahahaha. The Princess and the Pea Soup Hair. Princess Pea and Agnese (the native Italian girl) are scheduled to go on the 2-on-1 date with the Prince. Hmm. They didn't win that situation... seems fishy. I smell a setup.

But first, P.Lo takes the other girls on a wine-tasting group date. The usual for-tv shinnanigans occur. Swiming pool foreplay and body shots care of P.Lo's belly button.

Next Princess Pea and Agnese have the 2-on-1 date. No fancy date for Princess Pea. The three throw on P.Lo's comfy clothes and eat pizza in his bed. Princess Pea sticks her foot in her mouth by calling the other girls "commoners." In an attempt to please P.Lo, she tells him that she is there for him because she can come to Rome any time she wants to, but for the other girls, this trip to Rome is such a novelty. O-kay. I see why the producers let her stick around for another episode. Total setup. And this time, the viewers don't feel bad when she gets drop-kicked. P.Lo gives the rose to Agnese and Princess Pea has a complete breakdown. P.Lo has to physically push her down the stairs, I mean escort her down to the door. Did you catch her self-pity rant? Priceless. Okay, now I'm rooting for Agnese, the Italian girl because #1 they look cute kissing with the fireworks and it don't make me sick to my stomach, and #2, those valley-high-talking U.S. biotches are getting on my nerves.

P.S. Yes! Smooshie Face is gone!! Buh-bye Gina.

Next week Princes Pea is back...

Happy Bosses' Day!

Beat Holiday Singledom

Hey girls and boys. Already worried about visiting the family solo this holiday season? Reving yourself up for all the questions? The looks of wonder mulling over what's wrong with you? We've got 6 weeks to arrange airbags for the families. Distractors to throw to the wolves. And hop to it because:

He is taken...

And him...

Taken. Taken. Taken. Taken. And Taken...

Even THEY are taken...

And him...

Even him...
It's hopeless...

Get cracking girls and boys. Don't forget to drop the airbags by January 2, 2007.

Laura Bennett Style for the Starlets

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Project Runway S3Ep13

Alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllmooooooooooooooost There
Last week’s Reunion show consisted of mucho Tim love, more villain-izing of Keith and Vincent (yawn), and a rehash of Jeffrey v. Angela. There was also a strange lack of multiple questions from viewers, which was quite disappointing.

Onto this week’s show.

Heidi is wearing that top again. It looks a little garish, like an evening gown from the mid-80s tv show Dynasty. All that’s missing are long sleeves and shoulderpads. Her top would actually make great fish bait. Just throw it on a hook and go. She's also wearing those earrings again.

Heidi and Tim wishes the designers luck as they are off to prepare their collections for a Bryant Park showing in 2 months.

A month later, Tim visits each of the designers to see how their collections are progressing. First is Michael Knight Neon. Interestingly, Michael is using a lot of prints for his Street Safari collection, even though he didn’t work with prints much on the show. His collection appears to be mixing Uli’s style (prints) with Kayne’s style (sparkle sparkle) along with Michael's body hugging sensibilities. As Tim reviews the sketches on the wall, he does not look very impressed. I sense that Michael is not picking up on this. Too bad. He should know that Tim’s silence can say just as much as what he vocalizes. Still, his collection appeals to my bad girl sense of self. More on this next week. And for those of you that liken his collection to Baby Phat, are you kidding? (Baby Phat Spring 2007 show). Note lack of quality, lack of interesting silhouettes and lack of pop. But I digress.

Next, Tim visits Laura in New York. He buzzes her home, and in a great bit of acting, Laura sounds as though she is surprised, even though there's a cameraman in her face, and an image of Tim at the front door is displayed on the security monitor next to her. Laura, if this fashion thing doesn’t work out and you don’t want to go back to architecture, I see a stint on Days of Our Lives in your future. You can play the new police sergeant of Salem, and put Roman, Bo Brady, John Black and Abe Carter in check like the kick ass woman that you are. It wouldn’t be too much of a stretch, I promise.




As I am watching the tour of her fabulous metropolitan space, I envy Mrs. Thang. Her kitchen. Her shoes. Her high cellings. All the light. Don't even ask about me about my metropolitan hubble. I think my entire place can fit into Laura's kitchen. Anyhow, we learn that Laura has arts and crafts roots. Her grandmother was a painter. Her mother was a sewing teacher. Then we see Laura’s collection. No doubt, it’s Laura. I actually like Laura’s green dress. Maybe because it reminds me of the Scarlett O’Hara dress that was sewn out of drapes and curtains.

Oh and hey Laura, the girls called… They love your collection almost as much as I do. Joan wants to know when you open shop. And call Linda. She wants to do lunch on Tuesday. Smooches.

Tim goes on to visit Uli in Miami. We get her story of the difficulties growing up in Germany, her eventual migration to the U.S, how much happier she is and how the American Dream can happen. What a great set up for a storybook ending. Like Cinderella. How quaintly manipulative. I wonder if the editors are setting up Uli for the win. It's a good story. Too bad it’s not original. I’m having déjà vu from Tim's Season 2 visit with Chloe at this same point in the competition. Chloe also discussed her struggles in her native country and her eventual immigration to the U.S. And if you know, she won!

Next Tim visits Jeffrey in LA. Jeffrey expresses concern that Tim may think he’s a hack. Well, that’s not technically what he says, but it’s what I derive from: “I was excited that Tim was coming, but really nervous because throughout the show it didn’t feel like I convinced Tim of what my point of view was.” Jeffrey’s son Harrison is the cutest little boy. Jeffrey’s girlfriend Melanie is rockin a mohawk. Bad girl. Jeffrey discusses his upbringing from a broken home, his dive into drugs and his suicide attempt. He sounds like he’s got a good grip on his demons and that he respects where he came from and all that he’s been through. Maybe someday, he can find it in himself to try to extend that same respect initially to others, no matter what paths they've come in from.

The designers reconvene in NY. All are very confident in their collections. Tim is impressed with Jeffrey’s and Laura’s collections. He wants to see Uli’s clothes on the models for fit and he thinks some of Michael’s outfits are cartoony. Next the designers select models for their show. And on they go to the hair and makeup consultation. Michael says he wants big roller hair, at which I cringe inside. Earlier he described his outfits as 70s style. Now he's adding 80s hair. I’m worried he might be going over the top. Perhaps natural, soft hair and makeup would work better with the loud prints.

Laura is suspicious of the little work that Jeffrey has left to do. She believes he may have outsourced some of the work and discusses her concern with Michael and Uli. Laura believes Jeffrey's collection is too well-made to be completed entirely by Jeffrey. Uli jumps to defend Jeffrey, examining his collection for imperfections. But Laura and Michael still have doubts.

Tim comes in to check on the progress. Laura takes Tim onto the balcony and shares her concern. Viewers may dog Laura about this, but there's $100,000 on the line. There’s a new car on the line. There’s a mentorship on the line. There’s recognition of winning Project Runway on the line. If there was even a hint that someone was trying to cheat me out of that, you better believe I would say something.

Uli, everso loyal, immediately alerts Jeffrey that Laura has an announcement. Because, you know, Laura isn't the type of person that would tell Jeffrey directly to his face… (smirk).

As Laura explains what she relayed to Tim, Jeffrey doesn’t have much to say at first. Slowly, he starts to respond. I watch for pantomimes, you know, the many clues that give someone away when they are lying. (These do work by the way, check them out. My favorite's not on the list, which is double-blinking before speaking.) Jeffrey doesn’t seem to give off any but was unusually quiet. I believe it's because he respects Laura’s work (even if he calls it boring) and so her lack of belief in his ability may have hurt his feelings or ego, if that’s a more macho way to say it. I also watched his interaction with Tim. They didn't show his face the entire time, but either this guy is a great liar, or he is innocent, though from the various interviews and comments released that I’ve read, I’m still suspicious. It's possible the producers can't prove anything and only find a preponderence of evidence that suggest more likely than not, he outsourced beyond the rules. If that's the case I suspect he would still be able to show his collection, but not able compete for the prize. Still, Jeffrey has finished garments early on several challenges prior, so it is possible that he may very well be capable. At this point I have no idea what the outcome will be.

If Jeffrey is found innocent, my guess, due to the editing of this episode, is that either Uli or Jeffrey are geared for the win.

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HOT Pregnant Couple

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The Bachelor Rome Premiere ABC October 2, 2006

I watched The Bachelor Season 9 premiere, set in Rome on ABC last night.

Prince Lorenzo Borghese (P.Lo) was, how do I say, an umm...aloof guy. Uncomfortable. Akward. Dare I say, nerdy?? Last night played like a high school nerd’s ultimate fantasy. A bunch of not-necessarily-hot-but-easy and desperate girls throwing themselves at said nerd at first glance.

Bah. I want to see a "Prince" who is of bold character. Confident. A knight on a horse, in shinning armor. I don’t want a Prince who says “really cool” in an American accent. A prince who feathers his bangs. Who wears Dockers. Ugghh P.Lo, you're ruining my fantasy... More bad news: the Prince also says he is unable to converse in Italian, he can only speak “menu Italian.” So basically, he can woo you with the words "lasagna" or "spaghetti and meatballs" as good as any man can. For shame. He's an Italian royal who cannot speak his native tongue and does not have the desire to learn. I think he may actually be even more "American" than most Americans. Very rude. Maybe the Italians should remove his title until he learns to speak the language of his people. If he had the ability to drop romantic Italian phrases on the girls every-so-often his nerd factor would decrease expoentially. P.Lo, get thee to a private tutor, stat. I'm sure you can afford it.

There are more pros and cons to this season’s feathered Bachelor compared to previous seasons:

He doesn’t have the slick androgeny of Bachelor #1–Alex Michel
He doesn't seem the quiet, self-indulgent fratboy that Bachelor#2 was–Aaron Buerge
He doesn't have the lack-of-self-respect and smuttiness of Bachelor#4–Bob Guiney
He's missing the romantic super-smile and outdoorsiness of Bachelor#6–Byron Velvick
And the teddy bear jokster low IQ of Bachelor#7–Charlie O’Connell
He doesn't have the left-brain thinking and ruggedness of Bachelor#8–Travis Stork

P.Lo is different than all the others. I wonder: is this a good thing or a bad thing?

“Welcome to another INCREDIBLE season of the Bachelor!” Yes, host Chris Harrison, actually opened with that line. Look buddy, “The Bachelor” is batting 0 for 8 in weddings and 1 for 8 in coupledoms (if you believe the recent E! story that Charlie and Sarah broke up, leaving Byron and Mary as the sole "Bachelor" couple).

Chris goes on to say that “The Bachelor has always been about love and romance.” Sorry. Wrong again. It’s really about the tears and breakdowns, the catfights, the bad poetry and stupid speeches, the forced moments of intimacy, the exploitation of “feelings,” fake boobs versus real boobs, getting the young girls plastered with alcohol and into embarrassing situations, and the crazies who believe that true love = trading in their self-respect to continue being showcased on tv, week after week.

Onto the girls, the money-grubbing girls that will pledge to spend the rest of their life with a man they don’t know, because such a pledge would extend their tv life and because he’s a prince… He also could be a murderer, a sadist, a bore, have penile dysfunction or be gay. But all that these airheads can think about is the idea that they could become a princess. Whatever comes with it, they'll take.

The girls are just “blah.” None of them stand out. They're each about as unique as a paperclip. Last season there were girls who had their unique looks and different personalities. So far this season, I can’t tell the difference between the blondes, or the difference between the brunettes other than random funky noses or pairs of eyes too close together. It’s a good thing this prince owns his own pet grooming company. He’s gonna need all the help he can get with these woofs. If the personalities weren’t also cardboard blah, I’d be more forgiving. It's already possible that I may not bother to blog about this season for long.

Ohh miie gawwwd!!!! {Shriek!!} Ohh miie gawwwd!!!! If I have to hear that one more time I am going to rip my hair out.

Enter Italian girls. Wow these girls are stunning. And I thought the American girls were woofs before… Too bad all the Prince can say to the new girls is “lasagna” and “alfredo.” And too bad he expects them to speak excellent English, like “totally cool,” and “Ohh miie gawwwd!!!!”

Hotest Conversation of the night:
Girl: That’s a good-looking tree.
Prince: We’ll hug it together.
Girl: No, you’re gonna hug it.
Prince: Get on the tree with me. Now show me how to hug one.
Girl: (hugs tree)
Prince: (hugs tree) That was great. Here, for you. It's the very first rose and a pair of 2-carat diamond earrings for getting me all hot, dirty, and giving me an excuse to have full-body contact with a tree. I needed that, really, it let off some built up tension.
Girl: Gee, thanks! (Throws rose on the ground to free up both of her hands to put on earrings. Thinks-to-self, 'find ways to continue to implement trees in fourplay with Prince.')

Now who is this season’s bad girl? It appears the girls are still on their best behavior, but I guarantee it will not last. Last season I was rooting for Moana Dixon, only to see her sent home in a heart-wrenching scene on the finale. She was too much of an opera for a one-note guy like Travis. But she's doing fine, and even tried to get on this season's Dancing with the Stars.

Halloween Part-tay

Here's a list of the Annual Events going on this year. Tickets are now on sale.

Of course... you can always find a few strangers to romp around naked with at home for free. And any night of the year. But if you need to spend the money to justify your guilt, see below.

San Francisco 27th Annual Exotic Erotica Ball
Saturday, October 28 - Cow Palace
Noted guests include: Tommy Lee, George Clinton, Tera Patrick and grammy winner Thomas Dolby
Tickets: www.exoticeroticball.com or phone: 415-567-BALL

New York's Village Halloween Parade
Tuesday, October 31, 2006 Starting at 7 p.m.
All Those in Costume are Welcome to Join Hundreds of Puppets, 53 Bands of Different Types of Music, Dancers and Artists, and Thousands of other New Yorkers in Costumes of their Own Creation in the Nation’s Most Wildly Creative Public Participatory Event in the Greatest City in the World !
For all those in costume is on 6th Avenue South of Spring Street between 6:30 and 8:30 p.m.
Live: On 6th Avenue from Spring Street to 21st Street from 7 - 10 p.m.
TV: NY 1 Television from 8 - 9:30 p.m. http://www.halloween-nyc.com

Village Halloween Costume Ball
Tuesday, October 31, 2006 at 8PM - Theatre for the New City, 155 First Avenue at East 10th
For the 30th annual Village Halloween Costume Ball, the creative types from the Theatre for the New City will transform their 30,000 square foot, multilevel space into a Halloween extravaganza. Step inside this theatrical experience featuring sculpture, art, and live performances from more than 450 artists. Tickets: $20 in advance; $35 at the door
or phone: 212-254-1109.